If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
