Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize