Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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