She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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