he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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