absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need a beard to bite.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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