SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
