well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
