why didn't you poke me back
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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