someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
