Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
