THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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