But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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