i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
