I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
