I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize