my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
