i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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