she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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