Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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