Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
