I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
