Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
