I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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