Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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