He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
