My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We need a shit load of segways right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
