he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
