this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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