He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
