So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
