They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
