This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
