Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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