I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
