when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
