Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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