so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
