She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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