remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
