I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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