I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
