What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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