I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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