I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
