if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
