woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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