So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
