you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His hands were made for my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
