Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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