Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
