Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
