the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So many bounce houses so little time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
