Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
