I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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