just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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