im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
