Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
