I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
