Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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