She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
