so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
