But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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